Josh, if writing so regularly sometimes feels like you're dragging a heavy chain (and all of us ADHDers recognise that feeling), give yourself permission to ease off occasionally - it is quality (and you've got that in spades), not quantity that is really important, and those of us who follow you will always find your work. ⭐️
Thank you so much, Nola. It’s really important to get your words. You know, it’s so easy to lose track of ourselves when we are creators. I’m not talking only about online content creation on Substack, but all other activities involving writing and artistic expression... Even though there’s a real necessity to be practical and avoid losing time, we need to finjd our own balance, because without it, nothing works for sure! Quality over quantity, always and definitely! ⭐️⭐️
I completely understand that, and I agree. Social media must be restricted in our lives. They can be great, provided we take them a healthy focus on our lives, The unfortunate thing is that their very nature is to lock us into endless scroll and engagement....
I’ve been trying to articulate what it feels like every single day as I resist opening up my social media accounts. I am interested in what is happening in my friends’ lives and in my community, but I don’t have the energy to go to a party or to a work meeting or a neighborhood event every day, and that’s how it feels, except that they are all mixed together. It’s the social media soup of my life—I have to consider the people I know from all different times and places and groups of my life. Childhood friends, classmates, work friends from several completely different work places, college friends, close relatives, distant relatives, even relatives I’m not technically related to any more. There are friends from every one of my hobbies and special interests and neighbors from my past and present lives. These many people include conservatives and liberals, some I’m very close to, those I never knew very well, and others I’m just getting to know. I enjoy being connected to all of them, but even though I try not to mask, I can’t help but feel the pressure to carefully consider each comment I make or each “like” I hit or don’t hit. And the thought of it all exhausts me.
Also, lately, I find myself quickly redirected away from friends’ posts to reels, and more and more reels, and it requires actively redirecting myself back to my friends’ posts, so mostly, I’ve just stopped showing up.
With my ADHD, I have difficulty navigating even a small group chat among friends. I do miss important events and life changes, but more and more I just avoid it. I have too little time for my “real” life, and that’s much of my issue.
Thank you for your article. I feel a little less like a social outcast, knowing it’s natural for my brain type.
Dear Karla, thank you for your comment, it was really insightful and raised a lot of interesting thoughts in me when you mentioned the "social media soup." At the same time, it's quite magical if we take what we would think about that 50 years ago and look to the future (now).
At the same time, I think if it’s really natural to have this absolutely massive load of information about everyone and every day. It does not seem to have a human scale, don’t you think? We have simply no cognitive resources to process such amount of information, because we are not simply reading gossips or news, but actively interacting with hundreds and sometimes thousands of people who we have a real connection with, and as such, getting updates about their own lives means in some way to live their lives, at least to some extent.
And I am not even talking about ADHD, which throws things to a whole other level, and possibly developing some problems regarding behavior or simply the executive functions we so much need to work on. For me, what worked was to delete all social media apps from my phone. It was hard, but restricting my online life to the computer requires a non-portable device to surf on, besides the user experience in the computer is terrible if compared to those with touchscreens.
Maybe I went a little confused, so sorry. And thank you again for your comment, we're in this together!
That was me time ago, feeling I had to be active in social media for every people I met, regardless the connection I had. Twitter, Facebook, Instagram… little by little I pulled out until I only use them when I feel like to, not when I have to. I quit Twitter but got into Threads and that helped me to get to know interesting people and other ADHDers, as well as this Substack and I’m very glad of it.
The thing is that now, every single person that knows me a little, are aware that if they want to reach me, only do it by proper text and I will interact when I can/feel like to. It takes time for you but also for others to get used to your new you, where you might not reply for weeks.
Mind you there are a few people that will always have preference to have less than 1h (if I don’t have the phone close) to reply such my parents or partners (yes, I have two) or a group I have with my all time best friends. If it’s something important, they will call you. If they need you now NOW and you don’t answer the call, they will call you several times. Other than that, sit back and relax
This is very interesting and courageous, Ciel. Making people aware that you don't owe them an instant reply, or whatever reply, is something we are often so afraid to do. I also have an experience with that, and I remember well that it raises every kind of protest, especially from those who are the closest ones, like our parents. They often feel that they are entitled to an immediate message, and in my case, I associated this entitlement with a certain sense of ownership over me and my time, that deeeply annoyed me for sure. Who wouldn't be? Well, let the entitled ones enjoy their entitlement far away from us!!!!!
Absolutely right, being like this doesn’t mean I won’t have any complaints, specially from my mother but I would have to say she was right and I like to keep in touch with them since we don’t live in the same country, like with my friends. At least those closest ones are the most aware of our situation as well as our desires to not reply instantly. Instant messages means they get delivered within a second or less, not necessarily an instant reply too
Thank you so much dear Nola, the tide and the currents are strong, but so do we, and one of my intentions with this Substack is transforming it into a testament to our resilience simply because we are not made to give up!!!✨️
Thanks Terrence, it's exactly the feeling, this hamster wheel. And every time I come here to write I have this in mind, with something like "how I can bring something that my readers will remain thinking when they get outside the wheel, which is this exactly social media we are in (even though Substack is far better than the other ones, but still, it's social media!)
Your post really hit home. I feel the same and it is an important one to think about. Thank you for putting this out here. You left me no choice but to feature this post in my next Random ADHD Lemon for others to read. Hope that is ok. ^^
Josh, if writing so regularly sometimes feels like you're dragging a heavy chain (and all of us ADHDers recognise that feeling), give yourself permission to ease off occasionally - it is quality (and you've got that in spades), not quantity that is really important, and those of us who follow you will always find your work. ⭐️
Thank you so much, Nola. It’s really important to get your words. You know, it’s so easy to lose track of ourselves when we are creators. I’m not talking only about online content creation on Substack, but all other activities involving writing and artistic expression... Even though there’s a real necessity to be practical and avoid losing time, we need to finjd our own balance, because without it, nothing works for sure! Quality over quantity, always and definitely! ⭐️⭐️
I really feel that. And I am a Social Media Manager....
I just stay off social media now. I determined participating was doing me more harm than good.
I completely understand that, and I agree. Social media must be restricted in our lives. They can be great, provided we take them a healthy focus on our lives, The unfortunate thing is that their very nature is to lock us into endless scroll and engagement....
People just don’t have any idea how working on social media can be so extremely demanding!
I’ve been trying to articulate what it feels like every single day as I resist opening up my social media accounts. I am interested in what is happening in my friends’ lives and in my community, but I don’t have the energy to go to a party or to a work meeting or a neighborhood event every day, and that’s how it feels, except that they are all mixed together. It’s the social media soup of my life—I have to consider the people I know from all different times and places and groups of my life. Childhood friends, classmates, work friends from several completely different work places, college friends, close relatives, distant relatives, even relatives I’m not technically related to any more. There are friends from every one of my hobbies and special interests and neighbors from my past and present lives. These many people include conservatives and liberals, some I’m very close to, those I never knew very well, and others I’m just getting to know. I enjoy being connected to all of them, but even though I try not to mask, I can’t help but feel the pressure to carefully consider each comment I make or each “like” I hit or don’t hit. And the thought of it all exhausts me.
Also, lately, I find myself quickly redirected away from friends’ posts to reels, and more and more reels, and it requires actively redirecting myself back to my friends’ posts, so mostly, I’ve just stopped showing up.
With my ADHD, I have difficulty navigating even a small group chat among friends. I do miss important events and life changes, but more and more I just avoid it. I have too little time for my “real” life, and that’s much of my issue.
Thank you for your article. I feel a little less like a social outcast, knowing it’s natural for my brain type.
Dear Karla, thank you for your comment, it was really insightful and raised a lot of interesting thoughts in me when you mentioned the "social media soup." At the same time, it's quite magical if we take what we would think about that 50 years ago and look to the future (now).
At the same time, I think if it’s really natural to have this absolutely massive load of information about everyone and every day. It does not seem to have a human scale, don’t you think? We have simply no cognitive resources to process such amount of information, because we are not simply reading gossips or news, but actively interacting with hundreds and sometimes thousands of people who we have a real connection with, and as such, getting updates about their own lives means in some way to live their lives, at least to some extent.
And I am not even talking about ADHD, which throws things to a whole other level, and possibly developing some problems regarding behavior or simply the executive functions we so much need to work on. For me, what worked was to delete all social media apps from my phone. It was hard, but restricting my online life to the computer requires a non-portable device to surf on, besides the user experience in the computer is terrible if compared to those with touchscreens.
Maybe I went a little confused, so sorry. And thank you again for your comment, we're in this together!
That was me time ago, feeling I had to be active in social media for every people I met, regardless the connection I had. Twitter, Facebook, Instagram… little by little I pulled out until I only use them when I feel like to, not when I have to. I quit Twitter but got into Threads and that helped me to get to know interesting people and other ADHDers, as well as this Substack and I’m very glad of it.
The thing is that now, every single person that knows me a little, are aware that if they want to reach me, only do it by proper text and I will interact when I can/feel like to. It takes time for you but also for others to get used to your new you, where you might not reply for weeks.
Mind you there are a few people that will always have preference to have less than 1h (if I don’t have the phone close) to reply such my parents or partners (yes, I have two) or a group I have with my all time best friends. If it’s something important, they will call you. If they need you now NOW and you don’t answer the call, they will call you several times. Other than that, sit back and relax
This is very interesting and courageous, Ciel. Making people aware that you don't owe them an instant reply, or whatever reply, is something we are often so afraid to do. I also have an experience with that, and I remember well that it raises every kind of protest, especially from those who are the closest ones, like our parents. They often feel that they are entitled to an immediate message, and in my case, I associated this entitlement with a certain sense of ownership over me and my time, that deeeply annoyed me for sure. Who wouldn't be? Well, let the entitled ones enjoy their entitlement far away from us!!!!!
Absolutely right, being like this doesn’t mean I won’t have any complaints, specially from my mother but I would have to say she was right and I like to keep in touch with them since we don’t live in the same country, like with my friends. At least those closest ones are the most aware of our situation as well as our desires to not reply instantly. Instant messages means they get delivered within a second or less, not necessarily an instant reply too
Thanks Josh, all ADHDers deserve a galaxy of stars, just for keeping on swimming against the tide. ✨️✨️✨️
Thank you so much dear Nola, the tide and the currents are strong, but so do we, and one of my intentions with this Substack is transforming it into a testament to our resilience simply because we are not made to give up!!!✨️
Thanks, it really helps to know that I’m not the only one who feels so stuck like a hamster on a squeaky wheel.
Thanks Terrence, it's exactly the feeling, this hamster wheel. And every time I come here to write I have this in mind, with something like "how I can bring something that my readers will remain thinking when they get outside the wheel, which is this exactly social media we are in (even though Substack is far better than the other ones, but still, it's social media!)
Your post really hit home. I feel the same and it is an important one to think about. Thank you for putting this out here. You left me no choice but to feature this post in my next Random ADHD Lemon for others to read. Hope that is ok. ^^