Your grandmother can save you from an ADHD burnout
Her journey of strength inspires my path when I need it the most
You who kindly come here to read these articles probably noticed that I haven't published anything in the last 10 days. As you probably guessed, I was experiencing another period of ADHD burnout when I was completely devoid of ideas and the attitude to write, for which I promptly apologize.
During these episodes of burnout, the feeling of desperation takes over entirely, and it's cruel because it's like a force blocking me from doing anything, all while being perfectly aware of what's happening. The analogy of being paralyzed and muted is very adequate, as we see and feel all aspects of the world while being deprived of ways to interact with it.
And then, in the middle of my desperation, I remembered it is my grandmother's birthday today. My beloved grandma, who is no longer with us, made every August 28th special for me for as long as I can remember.
She is the inspiration for me to overcome my challenges, to remember that there's no such thing as the impossible, and to value hard work, honesty, and resilience.
My grandma will help me to leave this episode of ADHD burnout this time. So I will share a little about her now.
She was someone who always inspired me. In fact, she inspired everyone who had the privilege to live near her or have contact with her, personally or professionally.
A self-made woman, as we often say, but fifty years ago, against the pressure from a hardliner husband, controlling, and with an abusive behavior. She insisted, stood up to him, and pursued her own choices. He didn’t want her to work, she never accepted that. She chose her career, fought for her independence, and aimed to leave a solid footprint in the world, avoiding dependence on someone who always tried to hold her back or curb her initiatives.
She never took her destiny for granted, never ceased to dream about a better future, to strive for dignity, to apply her knowledge, to develop her talents, and to create new skills so she could make a difference in her family and her society.
Talking about it now, it may seem like it was just a matter of adjusting one's mindset, but nothing like having ADHD to teach me that every time we make a choice in life, every bit of effort needs to be made with such massive strength that we develop another skill in the process—the skill of resisting continuous episodes of exhaustion and disbelief.
She faced her society, she faced the conservative environment she was part of, she faced her husband, as I said, and she asserted herself while needing to care for her four children, born over a span of 11 years. This was all while the cost of living in her area was dramatically rising due to the booming economy, and while her husband was dealing with many problems related to gambling, drinking, and unemployment.
It was never clear to me whether she suffered physical violence from my grandfather, something I really believe is possible as it was so common at that time. But she persevered. She insisted. She never gave up.
Soon she became the leading provider for the household, while my grandfather continued on his erratic professional path. Eventually, this helped establish her authority and brought a more balanced environment at home, at a time when the kids needed it most as they reached their teenage years.
She was well over 70 years old when she decided to retire, and she did so against her will. She only did it because my grandfather, the same husband who imposed so many restrictions on her life that she had to overcome one by one, was sick and needed care. She didn’t have no obligation to do it, but she felt it was her duty as a spouse and decided to spend every minute of his last years close to him.
I was born when she had just turned 50 years old. I have the fondest memories of her. It's not unfair to say she was my favorite relative among all, and I felt this way from a very early age, long before I could understand more about her journey and her challenges. She captivated me with her sweetness, which was not overtly expressed but deeply felt. Her sense of authority didn't need to be stated to be noticed. Her absolute love for me never required verbal expression.
We kept close contact throughout the rest of her years. Even though we only saw each other two or three times a year, as we lived 600 miles apart, we would spend hours talking on the telephone about every subject imaginable. She was a guiding voice every time I made an important decision in my life, such as going to university, getting married, moving to another state, or participating in a work program abroad.
She was the kind of person who was always right, even though she never demanded the privilege of being right. She was simply recognized for her balanced perspectives and her appropriate approach to challenges. Today, I see that she wasn’t always perfect, but she was indeed right most of the time.
I'm writing about her from the point of view of someone with ADHD, but what does she have to do with it?
The thing is, while she never exerted pressure on me for anything, I always thought of her with every accomplishment I pursued and dreamed of achieving. I was always thinking about showing her my new job, my new certificate, anything that could make her proud of me.
The fact is, because of my ADHD, there were very few times I could present her with the achievements I dreamed of.
But I never stopped loving her, respecting her, or having her as my role model, which I will carry inside me forever. In everything I do, I see her in some way because she's part of me—not only biologically but especially in my spirit.
Today, we are celebrating her 95th birthday. Although she left us four years ago, it’s a celebration in the present, not in the past. Because she is very much alive in my heart. She is with me everywhere I go, in everything I do, and in every choice I make.
Thank you, Grandma, for the inspiration. Including these words.
Thank you for everything.
Love you forever.
