When ADHD makes you cry
It's really something when you take control over the uncontrollable
This is a contribution from our friend Janet, 39, from the US state of Wisconsin. If you want to share your story with us, please write us anytime in our email adhd.international.alliance@gmail.com, and you might be featured here and in our Threads profile!
I just returned from my session with the psychiatrist. Living far in a remote countryside town, the trip to the doctor's office in the bustling city downtown was quite a journey. But every mile was worthwhile for the insights I gained about myself.
I always considered my quick-thinking mind as some sort of superpower. I always was proud of my ability to “juggle a thousand thoughts at once.” However, as I started the treatment, I came to realize that my mental agility wasn't exactly a gift but rather a symptom of something more complex.
ADHD isn't merely about creativity and energy. It encompasses a lack of focus or an intense focus that's beyond my control. It creates a whirlwind of chaos, often rendering me silent even among my closest friends. Following the recent consultation and an evaluation of the past months, my symptoms persist severely.
We've decided to tweak my medications, including those for ADHD. I took the new dose after leaving the doc. It typically takes 40 minutes to kick in, and after some miles on my driving journey back home, I suddenly cried.
Tears flowed freely, like in the first time I took the medication. Not from sorrow, but from experiencing a peaceful mind after what felt like an eternity. No longer did I feel like a spinning top, teetering on the brink of chaos. It was as if time had expanded.
I stopped the car at a roadside restaurant and just let my mind flow. I was serene. I could reach a much wider clarity of mind. I spoke with my mother on the phone, and I was truly present, absorbing her words without interruption. It may seem commonplace to some, but for me, it's something immense. Previously, I'd often interrupt conversations, fearing my ideas would vanish if not immediately voiced. The freedom from such constraints is invigorating, reminding me of the joy in simply listening.
If you resonate with this experience, know you're not alone. ADHD presents unique challenges, but understanding and managing it can transform one's life. It's not about changing who we are, but about navigating life as harmoniously as possible, even if sometimes it demands the assistance of others.
In this moment, with a peaceful mind, I find myself contemplating how to reshape my reality, envisioning a future with more tranquility. While the road ahead may be uncertain, I'm confident I'm on the right path, understanding the true significance of time and the attainability of aligning expectations. And there's no better feeling than that!
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