It's okay to be who you are

Never accept judgements based on your life experience under ADHD

Something that really annoys me is when people offer value to each other based on their profession, activity, income, net worth, or whatever. I understand that society works in a way that attributes measurement figures to establish concepts, but I still feel there's something out of place.

I am 44 years old and I have ADHD, which means I'm very sensitive to this matter. Not because of my ADHD itself, as it's not a deterministic condition for anything. But ADHD is indeed a factor that often disrupts the strategies and outcomes expected of a self-made person in their 40s. Worse, it affects the perceptions and expectations we have been developing about ourselves over the years.

At 42 years old, I was diagnosed with ADHD, and then I could see that many things that happened to me throughout my life could be traced to the disorder. I have always struggled to complete my studies, finish university, manage jobs, and handle relationships.

In over four decades, I've lived in several states, married twice, worked in four professions, and engaged in many other activities. While this has added to my basket of living experiences, it also poses a problem because having a rich basket of knowledge doesn't come with any effective advantage. I’ve never gone deep enough into anything to support a knowledge base and earn a stable living at this point in time.

Today, I'm a generalist in many things. I've started so many things in my life that I'm able to discuss a variety of subjects, which sometimes attracts admiration and praise for my 'intelligence'. The fact that I have dabbled in many things is enough to impress people, as most never explore beyond the basics due to being too busy with their core activities. I haven’t gone too far from the basics either, but just enough to be a bit ahead of the average.

Thinking back, I suspect that developing this breadth of knowledge was a coping mechanism I developed when I was about 8 to 10 years old, needing to retain school content. I succeeded well at the time, and until I was 11 or 12, I was considered a brilliant student with a bright future. Expectations from family and teachers were high.

However, by the time I turned 13, my coping strategies began to fail repeatedly. I managed to graduate with a combination of luck and miracles and have carried these habits with me everywhere I go, up to the present days.

This brings us back to the main topic: attributing value to people based on what they do for a living. According to this parameter, I could be considered someone without value because I have no job, no effective career, no interest in the things I’ve worked on in the past, and I am constantly seeking something that fits me and finally channels my talent.

My mother, my brothers, and some of my old friends look at me with strong disappointment, and they try to disguise it, but I can feel it. They think I am ungrateful for wasting a supposedly intellectual gift due to laziness or lack of initiative. They sometimes get mad at me, believing my struggles with the material aspects of life would disappoint my deceased father, who had high expectations for my brilliance and success.

So here I am, trying to figure out my value, knowing that I am against the current of what typical (or neurotypical) society considers a prosperous life. I am trying to find the shards of my personality in an environment that labels everyone and everything, complicating things.

This particularly affects someone with ADHD because if there’s something that characterizes us, it’s the inability to fit defined labels. We have a widespread spirit by nature; our brains work in a beautiful flow, despite the problems with some practical aspects of life.

This is when I start to see that I do have value. My value is determined by how I see myself, not by how others see me. Someone's value cannot be measured because we are not objects, goods, or enterprises. We are people, and each one of us is a world unto ourselves.

No one should be subject to a measurement of value or judgment. If you have money, power, an established career, family, or anything else, it might be tempting to compare yourself with others. But know that it only reflects on yourself, not the other person.

It indicates your lack of ability to look at yourself, nothing else. It’s not about the other person; it’s about you.

For all of us who are somehow outside conventional patterns of success and achievement, never forget that you have immense value. This value is infinite, not only because it’s great but because it’s impossible to measure. Accept who you are, your journey, your failings, and your shortcomings, no matter your current situation.

The circumstances of the current moment are only temporary, just like this moment. Searching for your value is a useless exercise. Our value, if anything, is inexhaustible. History shows that many people with ADHD can build wonderful lives even if they feel disenchanted with life and their capacities at some point in their journeys.

If you look carefully, there’s a big chance that your journey is wonderful just the way it is right now.

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