I Almost Gave Up on This Project (And Why I Won’t)
If this helped you put words to the doubts you’ve been carrying alone, I’m glad you’re here. The fear is real, the second-guessing, the spirals, the urge to run. But so is your ability to see yourself clearly and keep going anyway. That’s why this Alliance exists. I’ll keep showing up, and I hope you will too.
Eventually, something shifts inside you.
After writing so many articles, after years of putting words into the world, you stop getting disturbed the same way.
You build a thicker skin. Social media no longer rattles you like it did in the beginning.
Especially with ADHD, that rejection sensitivity, the fear of what might come, lives deep. You might feel it too: afraid of comments, afraid of DMs, even when most are kind. Even knowing that most of them are!
My instinct is still to fear them, and I’m working on it every single day.
A few days ago, I saw a meme about a starter pack to those turning 40. It listed sleepless nights with kids, bank statements in the red, burnout, failed relationships, back pain, hangovers... It was made to be funny, and it almost was
But among them, one raised my brows: "Auto-diagnosis of ADHD."
It felt really bad. That talk of everyone has ADHD again, but more specific.
I started spiraling, and that was impossible to make some questions.
Am I encouraging people to self-diagnose?
Am I pushing them toward self-medicating?
Am I causing harm instead of helping?
If that’s an automatic match with reality , I would shut it down immediately.
This project was never meant to hand out labels. ADHD isn’t a mood. It isn’t a trend. It’s not a quirk to post about and forget the next day.
To forget… Come on Josh, now talk about “focus”
Joke aside, you know all that.
It’s not a disease, of course, but it still is a medical condition that deserves real care.
But how would you ever know to look deeper if no one talked about it?
A doctor won’t magically appear at your door suggesting an ADHD assessment.
Your medical provider rarely connects the dots on their own.
Your family and friends? Most will dismiss it. Some will shame you for even considering ADHD and taking it as justification for “laziness”.
That’s why I started this project.
So you could see yourself more clearly. So you could start asking questions. Never with the intention of pushing you toward a diagnosis, but to help you understand the patterns in your life.
Some of you might realize you carry many traits but won’t meet all the criteria for an official medical diagnosis. That’s okay. And you’re still absoilutely welcome here.
Even without medication or formal treatment, learning about yourself can change everything.
I was diagnosed some few weeks before turning 42. I’m 45 now.
I keep thinking: What if I had known earlier?
How many f… times I found me punishing myself for "laziness." and how I could have built different habits sooner.
I almost gave up on this project.
I needed to write this today, for you and for me.
To remind myself why I’m still here.
To feel these words echo back and tell me this is still worth doing.
If you’re here and thinking about self-diagnosis, stop for a moment.
Wait for a doctor. Seek professional guidance.
Medication might help, but it won’t fix everything. The most important shift is awareness.
Watch yourself like a coach on the sidelines. Take notes. Map your patterns. See where you keep getting stuck.
No doctor will do that for you, and please remember that no medication will do it either.
This is not a popular statement in a time when we are all exhausted and needing a fast remedy for whatever we need to frame ourselves into the world. But you will find your solutions at the time you do the hard work of looking at yourself.
And guess what, an ADHD diagnosis is a changing life to many people including me, but it didn’t made a single difference to millions of people all over the world.
It won’t make a drop of a difference if you wait that youyr medical statement and your prescription or your expensive pills will do miracles.
Even considering that diagnosis has made an enourmous difference in my life, I lost count of how many days I just remained replicating my ADHD symptoms for an entire day, hours and hours in sequence, but making them in a boosted fashion.
The frustration in the end of the day was also boosted, of course. When I found out that I had another unproductive day but this time with all the medical tools I had on my reach and for what I had been in a painful debt to pay for them.
In summary, if you suspect you have ADHD, I encourage you to look for professional advice. But remember that you are much more than what you doctor will say to you, or not.
You are not just your actions.
You are the story behind them.
The patterns that shape your mornings.
The fears that keep you frozen.
The small rebellions no one else sees.
A to-do list without self-understanding isn’t a plan, it’s just another quiet punishment.
I wrote this because I almost walked away. But I’m still here, and so are you.
That’s what I need to keep building this.
To keep questioning.
To keep choosing yourself, even if it’s the hardest thing you do this week.
💚 If this felt like someone finally saying out loud what you’ve been whispering to yourself for years, pass it on. Someone out there is carrying the same weight and doesn’t know they’re not alone.
💬 If these words sound like they came straight from the inside of your own head, leave a comment. You don’t have to make it pretty. You just have to write, for yourself, and for the rest of us still learning how.
This was so well written. It felts like you follow my thought process and responded to questions before i coukd ask them. It made me feel less alone in the uncomfortable feelings.
Your articles have made a difference for me, and I hope that helps encourage you to continue to fight the good fight. I was diagnosed late in life. I suspected that something had shifted in how my brain was processing everything, but I wasn't 100% sure. I started reading your articles and your perspective really resonated with me. The responsibility of what to do next was on me, not you. I decided to consult a professional. I started seeing a therapist and was tested to confirm a diagnosis. I am not just forgetful or lazy or disorganized and that has helped with my self-inflicted guilt.
You are helping people who are not sure. Is it just me? Am I overthinking this? Is it a trend? The responsibility to find the answer lands with us. Please know that the time and energy you have poured into helping others has helped others. Thank you. <3
Nice reflections here Josh. In the end the biggest thing is awareness, you need to be very aware of what's going on so you can decide the best course of action!