Having ADHD and waiting for a hurricane

This wonderful community will continue even if the worst happens to me

I'm writing this at 8 PM on October 9, 2024, in Central Florida, right where the path of Hurricane Milton is forecasted to cross.

I am in the exact location where the eye of the hurricane will pass.

Reports are diverging, but some are saying that Milton has just made landfall and is currently 100 miles southwest of me, with wind gusts of 150 miles per hour. The center of it moves at an average speed of 17 miles per hour.

I still don’t know what to think. I’m struggling to follow through. Fortunately, there are people taking care of a safe shelter for me to go to. Strangely, I find myself unable to make any decisions.

As this may be linked to my ADHD, let’s try to write a bit.

Writing is a great way to help us understand what’s going on in our minds. Often, I take a moment to write down whatever’s on my brain, which helps me uncover my ideas.

Writing will also bring some relief to my anxiety, at least for a few minutes.

When I started this journal, my intention was to cover my thoughts, my ideas, and my life with ADHD—my challenges, my fears, my dreams—while living with this disorder and trying to bring some understanding. It was never about weather or storms.

But the thing is, the weather at this exact moment is a real threat to my life. A threat like I’ve probably never experienced before. And having ADHD at this moment is something I’m still trying to figure out if it’s for better or worse.

For the better, because I can’t focus amidst all the stimuli around me, and it’s been giving me a strangely calm sensation. It’s like you’re so busy that you can’t focus on one thing in particular because your mind needs to pick something—or a couple of things—in the middle of the chaos of having hundreds of tasks to handle.

As long as it’s bringing me calmness, we could consider having ADHD a positive thing.

But there’s much more involved, and unfortunately, it’s for the worse. The same mechanism that blocks me from following a command makes me hyperfocused on unhelpful details in an emergency. I found myself checking the expiration date on canned goods, for example, and almost started separating bags of cereal by color.

Hours ago, I was bouncing between different tasks, like gathering items for emergency kits, reinforcing the plasterboard on the windows, finding all the available flashlights—all at the same time—and every 10 minutes, I’d remember something was missing. Suddenly, I’d recall I hadn’t checked the emergency meds, then forget what I was doing altogether.

Prioritizing things at this time is so hard, and the feeling that we won’t accomplish everything haunts us. It’s the worst time for Impostor Syndrome to make an appearance, but as we ADHDers know well, it likes to show up when we need it least. And it doesn’t care if there’s a tragedy coming.

I’m not even going to go deeper into being overwhelmed by sensory input. It’s exhausting to process so much information amidst the loud sounds of the storm, flashing lights, sirens, car alarms buzzing everywhere, and all sorts of radio, TV, and online broadcasters blaring at full volume. It’s a nightmare for someone with ADHD.

A nightmare for everyone, of course, but if you have ADHD, or if you’re close to someone who does, you know exactly what I’m talking about. You know it’s on another level.

And at this exact moment, while I see my parents running around, my cats frightened but safe in their cage, and the fear of not knowing if this sturdy building I’m in will withstand the storm, amidst all that, I’m thinking about what the last song I’ll listen to will be if everything falls apart and these are truly my last moments in life.

If the worst happens, please, my friends, it will be an extreme pleasure to have shared my life and my ideas with you here on Threads and on this Substack in these last months.

Please, never let anyone judge you because of your ADHD or bring you down because of your symptoms. You can do anything you want with ADHD—never forget that.

I have a friend in a northern state who has the password for this Substack and for the Threads account of this alliance, so never worry. This wonderful community will continue even without me.

This community was always about our challenges with ADHD, but it was always about you, not me.

But now, exceptionally, I will ask you to send a prayer or some positive energy for me and for the people of Florida.

Thank you for everything.

Josh