Depression is exhausting
Pretending that everything is fine is extremely draining.
Living the hard experience of having depression, today or at some point of our lives, means that we often feel exhausted. To avoid hurting our loved ones, we pretend to be okay, and in doing so, we lose strength and energy.
Pretending that everything is fine is extremely draining.
So many times I've felt the need to try even harder because I've lost the credibility to be, to do, and to achieve anything. Even so, I've had to project an image of strength and perfection, and on the days I can't, I feel judged by looks and attitudes, making me feel guilty for being this way. All I wanted was to retreat to my dark room, lie down on my bed, and sleep forever without having to explain or fulfill obligations.
It's very exhausting to have to be strong all the time for others. It wears me out, and trying to reorganize and understand myself after an ADHD diagnosis at 44 is very stressful.
Sorry for the outburst.
It reached the point some years ago where I sank so low that my wife couldn't take it anymore. She had been with me for a long time, but after so much struggle, she got tired. I don't blame her. I know how difficult it is. I'm waking up and realizing that I can't just let myself sink into a pit; I need to lift myself up. I often say that I was in a coma while still alive.
Depression has brought me a feeling of emotional old age. I feel like I've lived so much that now I'm just exhausted, sleepy, and bored. Generally, I'm okay, but always tired and without energy.
I wish I could speak without being judged, without seeming like I'm playing the victim. I want to be heard before being forgotten! Even when people know what we're going through, they say we're playing the victim. But I believe we will get through this.
In this chaotic world, full of demands, it becomes difficult to show our true selves. The fear of judgment makes us hide. However, it's important to have hope and seek self-knowledge. As we mature, we realize that we don't need to change to fit in. Nonetheless, it is sad to live and coexist with suffering.
Know that there are people willing to welcome, listen, and not judge.
Let's keep moving forward.