Challenging my ADHD

Sometimes, success is hidden within what appears to be an unambiguous failure.

In October of last year, I found myself in deep desperation because all my savings had vanished that month, leaving me incapable of securing funds for my basic needs, namely rent and food. To worsen matters, I had been living with my partner for six months, and she too was unemployed, hastening the depletion of my savings.

At that point, I needed to initiate serious changes in my life. One of the most difficult decisions was to interrupt my treatment for ADHD, which I had been undergoing for almost 2 years and which had been collecting positive results.

My partner was hurt and in denial, and it was crucial for me to stay focused on motivating her. Although I could not generate ideas or take action on her behalf, I realized it was my responsibility to offer support and work on comforting her. She likely exhibited symptoms of depression at the time, but lacking access to medical care, the best course of action, as it seemed to me, was to remain by her side while striving to overcome my own despair in order to provide solace.

My sleep was disrupted, and my mind was in turmoil. Yet, I somehow contemplated embracing that moment of despair, recognizing it as an opportunity for insight. As some say, "hard times create strong people." Although I was not particularly fond of such aphorisms, as they often seemed too neurotypical for my ADHD mind, out of desperation, I chose to challenge myself in some manner.

I registered these words in October:

"This is the pivotal moment of my life. I absolutely must take action. I cannot afford to lose focus. I do not have the luxury of wasting time or remaining in denial. I must capitalize on everything I have built up to this point because this is my time. This will be a project closely tied to the principle of creating motivation from scarcity."

And thus, I embarked on "Project 2500," aiming to secure $2500 to cover our survival needs until the year's end. The objective was to obtain this amount within 10 days. Until the following week's conclusion, I would channel all possible efforts towards achieving this goal.

Thus, “Project 2500” started on a Monday, and I somehow managed my ADHD to accelerate and conduct the most extensive brainstorming session I had ever undertaken. I recollected every endeavor I had pursued in my 44 years of existence that could be leveraged, including universities attended, courses completed, languages spoken, and any skill, item, or craft that could be sold. I resurrected old ideas from paper—it was a whirlwind.

The anxiety and emotional burden I imposed upon myself likely hindered my progress. As is typical for someone with ADHD, I engaged in many activities, yet none with the depth required for substantial achievement or tangible, immediate returns.

I meticulously documented my daily activities and feelings over the course of the 10 days. By the fifth day, I noted:

"I am lacking in energy.
I feel sad.
I am worried.
I believe I am a failure.
I doubt I will achieve $2500.
I am contemplating asking my mom to care for my partner if I am unable.
I need something to boost my morale.
I am moving too slowly. I must pick up the pace to enhance efficiency.
I am so inefficient."

However, by the sixth day, I began to acknowledge that, irrespective of success rates or targets, I was taking action. I was doing a lot of things. I wrote these words:

"I am experiencing an intriguing sensation, somewhat related to the urgency of this moment. I am observing this with great apprehension. It is imperative for me to direct my thoughts appropriately, and I will achieve the milestones I seek."

The following day, I finally realized that while “Project 2500” would fall short of its monetary goal, I had started to succeed in cultivating a sense of urgency that had been challenging to instill in my mind.

I was much more satisfied now with this immediate perception and the need to do something.

What I have been doing throughout my life has been largely insufficient, including my expectation that ADHD treatment would yield by itself immediate results. Nothing could be further from reality. I need to engage in comprehensive planning and persistently pursue my objectives over months and years, rather than simply tossing around ideas and expecting scattered results.

In terms of monetary gains, “Project 2500” ended in resounding failure.

It was easy to feel vulnerable, having devised a challenge to test my ability to surpass my limitations and question my usual approaches. But was it a complete failure in every respect? Perhaps not. I identified five points in my final report:

1. It brought a sense of urgency, compelling me to take action. While I never harbored the illusion that $2500 would be transformative on its own, the project did provide a framework that prompted me to better organize my endeavors and delineate tasks and goals more effectively. In this regard, it achieved partial success.

2. It facilitated a transition from a state of relative lethargy to one in which I was actively engaged, expanding my thinking and transforming my approach. Although it did not yield significant gains, it did not regress either. It was not a waste of time.

3. It generated a drive that will inspire me to progress. This impetus arose from reevaluating my projects and finally bringing long-standing ideas to fruition. While tangible results have yet to materialize, the potential is promising. I can deem this aspect a success.

4. It spurred the generation of new ideas, directing my focus toward the creation of tangible products that leverage my skills and expertise to meet market demand. This was a realization I had not previously entertained, and it may be the most significant accomplishment of “Project 2500.”

5. It underscored the importance of planning and adhering to a business strategy to achieve objectives more effectively. Every project must be grounded in robust planning, including my current endeavors. This aspect was accomplished.
   

   
   In conclusion, while my “Project 2500” failed to meet its monetary target, leaving me in a precarious financial position, it offered valuable lessons, helping me to confront challenges with new strategies that I will plan and execute more comprehensively, leveraging existing resources in a manner that optimizes their potential.

   

   
   
   Following the project's failure to achieve its primary objective, I sought support from my family, enabling me to make ends meet temporarily. Subsequently, my partner was offered a job and I obtained freelance opportunities, enabling us to build some “unstable stability”, but better if compared to the previous circumstances. Nonetheless, the lessons and the achievements from those 10 days persist in time.
   
   For example, during that period in October 2023, I conceived the ADHD International Alliance and launched it on Threads, an idea I had contemplated for many months before finally bringing it to reality.

   Sometimes, challenging ourselves, even in the face of apparent failure, can yield unexpected benefits. Time has a way of nurturing seeds planted long ago, even those we may have forgotten in the soil.